No Place To Hide
December 1988


Secret lives...

   When Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield invite Nicholas Morrow on a picnic to help cure his blues, their plan has unexpected results. Nicholas falls in love with Barbara, a beautiful girl who involves the twins in their most dangerous mystery yet.
  Barbara tells Nicholas they must hide their relationship from the uncle she's visiting. Hearing the fear in her voice, Nicholas decides to tell the twins, and they start investigating. The more they find out, the more desperate Barbara's situation seems.
   Then Jessica and Elizabeth are threatened by an anonymous caller. Now they face a terrible choice: either give up their search and leave Barbara in deadly trouble, or save Barbara's life-and risk their lives and Nicholas's!


  No Place to Hide is a bit of a standout in the SVH-verse for me because I always forget that it exists. Oh, I'll remember it for three months after I've read it, but come next April? I'll wonder what the hell the book was about. So, for me, it's like I'll always have a SVH book that's almost new for me. Sure, I remember the basics: Nicholas Morrow finally gets over Elizabeth by falling for a girl who, in any other book put out at the time that wasn't SV or BSC, would've been a ghost. Happy fun times do not ensue. That much I recall. But even now I couldn't tell you the exact specifics without looking at my cheat sheet or the book itself.

   Well played, ghostwriter of the month. Well played.


  It's the summer of the twins' internship at the Sweet Valley News again still and we've finally progressed to... July. I know, I would've thought that we would have progressed a little bit further, but hey. I'm not in charge here, I'm merely here to mock and squee as needed. The newspaper is having its annual picnic in Ronoma, a county in California we've never heard of before and will likely never hear from again. Liz and Jess are excited because picnics have always been a big deal to them. Jess I think is more interested in the party aspect and Liz is dreaming of networking, but still. Excitement?
   Liz decides to invite Nicholas because he's seemed a little bummed lately, what with his sister dying and all. (...yes.) Once at the picnic, Nicholas is far from the life of the party and decides he would rather walk around the park and sulk. Liz grumbles to herself that she invited the boy so she has to play the gracious hostess/friend and keep him company because, hell, the way he's been lately, he's likely to fling himself off the nearest cliffs. But she resents this because of the missed networking possibilities. Next time don't invite the guy who was all too interested in you until your sister's untimely demise that you sort of had a bit of a hand in, Miss Nosy Reporter Wannabe. Just sayin'.

  Nicholas walks and walks and gets further and further from the party/picnic in the park. Liz worries they're trespassing. Nich doesn't seem to care that some people don't want strangers traipsing around their yards and wants to get a better look at the cliffs and their view of the sea. Instead he finds a girl who is so gorgeous that she appears to be from another time period entirely. If you listen carefully, you can hear Tricia Martin screaming about someone stealing her shtick.
  Nicholas falls immediately for Barbara and she seems to fall for him as well. Can't say I blame her. TV!Nicholas aside, the dude's supposed to be dreamy. Anyway, Nicholas lets Barbara slip away without so much as a phone number or a last name, so he returns the next day to find her. Luckily for him, Barbara seems to delight in traipsing about in the woods and garden near her grandparents' creepy mansion by the sea, and she sings to her Yorkie so Nicholas can fairly easily find her.
  I'll spare you the whole romancing of the couple because there isn't much. Barbara's beautiful. Nicholas is beautiful. Nicholas shares Regina's love of drama, so the moment he gets wind of B's "Uncle John" and his controlling ways and temper (made clear by John telling him to get lost and never come around again, EVER), the boy is hooked. Immediately he begins to worry about B and how her not!Uncle seems to have too short a leash on her. So what does he do? He invites the twins out to Barbara's and they are immediately chased away by B before her uncle comes to drag her back to the house, warning her of what terrible things will happen to Josine, their housekeeper and the only friend Barbara has had all summer.
  Nicholas keeps returning to Barbara and they manage to away for a dinner in town where more than one person reacts as if they've seen a ghost the second they catch sight of Barbara. It appears she's the spitting image of her grandmother who died tragically years ago. Upon returning from their meal out, Nicholas finds his Jeep's tires have all been slashed, proving that someone is on to them. Barbara repeatedly asks and tells Nicholas to stay away, that it's not safe for him to see her anymore, but that's not going to discourage a drama junkie. Instead Nicholas vows to find a way to rescue Barbara. If you don't get that Nicholas imagines himself the prince on a white horse by now, you either missed out on all the fairytales as a kid or you're just slow.

   Meanwhile, Jessica and Elizabeth are back at the paper doing research of their own. It appears it's nearly time for a new SV mayor and the paper is abuzz with news on each side. There's the mysterious Russell Kinkaid who is amazingly charming and charismatic and yet still manages to rub Elizabeth the wrong way. (Proof that he's Evil.) And then there's Miles Robinson who has the support of the Valley News but really, we don't ever find out much about him. Is he the current mayor? Is the current mayor embroiled in scandal so awesome that they dare not speak its name? Who knows.
  Jessica is assigned a seemingly unrelated story about Paul Lazarow, the leader of an artists' colony in Ronoma County in the 40's. At first she can't find out much, but in the interest of time, we'll skip to the important stuff. Eventually the twins find that Russell Kinkaid studied at the colony years ago and was actually an exceptionally talented artist who had a thing for Lazarow's daughter... Barbara. Unfortunately for Barbara, she was in love with Jack Pearsall, Kinkaid's artistic rival. Barbara and Jack eloped, keeping their marriage a secret from everyone but Josine. Eventually Barbara became pregnant and shortly after her daughter was born, news of her relationship with Jack broke. Kinkaid was so enraged that he pushed her from the cliffs behind her house on the night of her birthday. Since there were no witnesses, the police couldn't charge him and he got away with murder.
  Paul Lazarow died six months after his daughter due to cancer, and Jack went completely mental. Unable to cope without Barbara, he moved into an assisted living facility, and Gwen, their daughter, went off to live with family friends in Switzerland.
   Of course, the twins and Nicholas only learned part of this. When Liz finds out that Russell Kinkaid was questioned about his part in Barbara's death, she calls Jessica and tells her that they're that much closer to cracking both cases. (Why Barbara is being kept prisoner and why Russell gives Liz the creeps.) The twins hang up, excited beyond belief, but then the phone rings again and Liz is threatened by someone who points out that the Jeep's tires didn't slash themselves and that Rory's disappearance was no fluke. Warnings, people. Warnings! Liz freaks out and the next day she tells Nicholas all about it.
  Nicholas decides that the only thing left to do is go to the police.

   No. That might be logical considering Liz did just get herself threatened and all. No, what they're going to do is go and kidnap Barbara on her birthday. He asks the twins for help and when they reasonably ask what his brilliant plan is, Jessica balks immediately at the insanity that pours forth. His plan? He'll grab Barbara while one twin waits in the car and the other distracts Uncle John.
  That's... pretty simple, actually. And yet it goes horribly, horribly wrong. Jess draws the short straw and is stuck in the Jeep, Liz twists her ankle but Nicholas doesn't notice because he's a little obsessed at the time, and then Jessica has to distract the occupants of Bayview House by ringing the doorbell. ...Right. So, naturally Liz gets found by John immediately after she sends Jessica off to play decoy. She pisses him off when she makes him yammer on about why he's torturing Barbara (simply a side effect of torturing his brother, Russell) and he pistol whips her. And the peasants rejoice!

  Jessica bangs on the front door to no avail. No one's answering, probably because John's out front knocking Liz into unconsciousness and Russell? Russell is out on the cliffs with Nicholas and Barbara. Jessica watches in horror as Russell wrestles with Barbara, hands wrapped around her wrists, apparently trying to push her off the cliffs. I'm not entirely sure how that would work, and apparently neither is gravity, because Russell slips and falls _backwards_, sending him and Barbara both over the edge of the cliffs. Russell falls to his death but Barbara manages to catch on to a rock ledge somehow. Again, I... don't think that would necessarily happen given the way they both fell, hands on her wrists and all, but I don't recommend trying this at home in any case.
  Nicholas and Jessica (whom Nicholas still thinks is Liz) pull Barbara to safety. There's a lovely moment with B/N and then B starts blubbering about rescuing Josine. Jessica freaks out when she hears the younger Kinkaid has a gun and Nicholas finally realizes Jessica isn't Liz. They rush back to where they left Elizabeth and find her lavaliere on the ground. Jess freaks out but Barbara out drama!queens her when she nearly faints. That's right. Jessica's twin is missing but Barbara is the one with a case of the vapors. Rightio. Because the sight of the necklace lying on the ground reminded her of Rory's collar and that was too much for her. Mmmhmm. Whatever.
  The dramatic trio return to Bayview House and find Josine who lets them know that Kinkaid the younger grabbed the keys to the studio, so they rush to see if they'll be in time to rescue Elizabeth. The doors to the studio are locked, but with a boost from Nicholas, Barbara manages to shimmy in through a window and they rush to find Elizabeth passed out and Rory alive. The paramedics are called and everyone is whisked away to either the police station or the hospital.
  John Kinkaid actually took his brother's often mentioned silver Jag and made a break for it. The police actually catch him without any help from the twins (shock!) and he immediately confesses. It seems he was the brains behind the Kinkaid fortune and when Russell dumped him right before his mayoral bid, John decided to get revenge. Russell had told his little brother the truth about Barbara's death years before and John realized that since granddaughter!Barbara was the spitting image of her grandmother, she would be perfect to torment Russell. John would invite Russell to Bayview and then force Barbara to dress in her grandmother's things and go out for walks along the cliffs, all in an effort to make Russell think he was being haunted. Russell snapped all right, but seemed determined to commit the same crime. History and all that, I guess.
   Barbara is surprisingly sympathetic with the elder Kinkaid considering the man killed her grandmother and died trying to kill her, but she's probably a better person than I am anyway, so we'll chalk it up to that.
  Liz racks up another concussion but is ultimately fine.
  The same cannot truly be said for Nicholas though. His heart breaks when he realizes that Barbara's parents are whisking her away to home and safety right after her birthday. Nicholas helps Barbara reconnect with her grandfather, Jack. Jack, by the way, is surprisingly okay with the fact that his granddaughter looks identical to his late wife. I guess my years of V.C. Andrews prepped me for a completely different reaction, but hey. Once they flee back to Switzerland, we never hear from them again, so maybe things did go all VC. *cough*
   Anyway. The book ends with Nicholas lonely once more, but finally distracted from Regina's death. Yay?


Trivia:

• Miles Robinson is one of the mayoral candidates and is the one the SV News supports.


• July in the Valley is apparently a very slow news month.


• Russell Donovan Kinkaid is the other mayoral candidate. He's handsome in that "dark, rugged, muscular" way, with angular, well pronounced features and steely gray eyes. He's in his early 60's, a private business man who ran an import/export business. Rumors of illegal campaign fund usage run rampant but there's no proof. Ditto the rumors for bribery. Owned a factory in Tijuana that was shut down due to inhumane working conditions. Name has been linked to infamous names in underworld crime. Favorite author when he was younger was Hemingway, wanted to be a painter.


• Ronoma County is a rural area 40 miles South East of Sweet Valley. There's a loverly park with a pond used for the annual SVN picnic and it used to be home to Paul Lazarow's artist colony back in the 1940's. It was a popular beach community 50 years ago. (Well, 50 years ago from the 80's, which would be, whoa, 70 years these days.)


• The SVN picnic started at noon. Volleyball, a cookout, and even fireworks but no mention of the ghostly haunting down the road at Bayview House. Next time they should really schedule that one in, too.


• Nicholas sees a shrink once a week, partly due to the nightmares he has.


• Bayview House is a beautiful but rundown gray clapboard house, with a wrought iron fence, a rose garden, turrets, a widow's walk, a brass knocker and no bell for the front door.


• Rory, Barbara's dog, is a Yorkshire terrier.


• Barbara is beautiful (naturally) with a perfect oval face, creamy skin, waist length chestnut brown hair, huge wide-set pale blue eyes. She lives in Switzerland with her professor parents who are doing research work in Greece over the summer. Her grandmother died right after Barbara's mother was born.


• Josine, the housekeeper, is very old and more than a little senile.


• Uncle John Kinkaid pretends to be Barbara's grandfather's cousin, executor of the original Barbara's will. He's in his 50's and handsome, but mean.


• Jess desperately wants to cover the makeover workshop at the mall for the paper. Instead she ends up doing research on Paul Lazarow.


• Mr. Robb is always at his desk by eight A.M.


• Robb's 8:45 assignments: Dan Weeks, art exhibit at the Sweet Valley Museum for Paul Lazarow who headed the Ronoma artists' colony in the 1940's. Jessica is assisting. Liz is working with Seth on a special feature on Robinson and Kinkaid.


• Jess feels sorry for Liz having to deal with all the boring politics even more than she was already.


• Russell Kinkaid drives a silver-blue Jaguar.


• Paul Lazarow was born in 1895, studied art in Paris, came back to California to start his artists' colony in 1939. He died in 1949, shortly after his daughter, Barbara. Lazarow spent most of his time divided between three places: Ronoma, Paris, and Brittany, and the paintings in the show at the museum are divided as such, with Ronoma being the last section.


• The Kinkaid brothers were partners for 35 years, mostly in real estate.


• Barbara Lazarow drowned after being shoved off the cliffs behind her house July 28, 1949. She'd just turned 21.


• 80's!Barbara has nightmares about her birthday involving cake, a creepy dude, and being chased and then falling. Note to B: run. away.


• Du Pres, a painter, took Barbara's mother, Gwen, to Europe after the deaths of Barbara and Paul Lazarow. Gwen never really understood why.


• Denning is the largest town in Ronoma County.


• Francesco's is a small, charming Italian restaurant's in Denning.


• The gas attendant thought he saw a ghost when he caught sight of Barbara when she and Nicholas escaped for their date.


• Barbara speaks French. Of course she does.


• Rory's collar is found up on the cliffs, leaving everyone to assume John threw poor little Rory over the cliffs.


• Nicholas finds his Jeep's tires slashed and his windshield smashed.


• The Sweet Valley Museum is a small, modern building overlooking the ocean with a palm tree lined driveway.


• In addition to the artist colony, Paul bought Bayview House so that Barbara could summer in California.


• During the summer of 1947, Kinkaid studied with Lazarow.


• Bravo, Nicholas, for using the word sadist in a SV novel. Well played!


• After having lunch with the twins, Nicholas returns to find a threat slipped under his windshield: "You'll stay away from Barbara if you know what's good for you. This is your first and last warning."


• Barbara's song that she's overheard singing at least twice: You came to me from out of nowhere. You took my heart and found it free... Google tells me this is 'Out of Nowhere' and is worth a listen.

Quote Me On That:

"He's allegedly mishandled campaign funds from day one, but no one can prove it. There's also talk of some bad connections he's made in business. He owned a factory in Tijuana that was shut down by the government because of inhumane working conditions. His name has been linked with some people in the world of organized crime as well."
Jessica looked triumphantly at her sister. "See, there's nothing wrong with the guy." - Seth/Jessica, p6/7

Jessica stared at her, alarmed. "Haven't you heard what Nicholas has been like lately? Lila says he's losing his mind." -p14

"It's very common for people that old to confuse real people with people from the past." -Uh, Nicholas? Just because they're from the past doesn't mean they aren't/weren't real. Just saying. p 73

"Nicholas, have you completely lost your mind? That isn't exactly what I'd call a fair division of labor." -Jess speaks true, if a bit stiffly. p140

"I should never have let you two come out here," he mumbled. - Nicholas? You recruited THEM, not the other way around. p159

Bonus Fashion Spectacular:
Today Elizabeth was wearing a navy blue skirt- slim-cut and flattering, but on the conservative side- and a simple blue-and-white-striped cotton sweater, while Jessica looked as if she had just stepped out of the pages of Ingenue, her favorite magazine. She had on a linen miniskirt, a boxy sweater with padded shoulders, and funky, dangling earrings. p3/4

And not far away from him, Barbara, looking resplendent in a pink-and-ivory silk dress, was sitting on an ivory-colored blanket, her legs tucked under her, her long hair gleaming in the sunlight. Her straw bonnet was thrown carelessly next to her on the blanket and a novel was open on her lap. p 42



  Ultimately, for all the mocking I may or may not have done, I really like No Place to Hide. It appeals to my inner child who loved all the mysterious something fierce. Plus, I like the cover art. I know, I'm shallow. I like the way they keep beating poor Nicholas down and I feel for him, plus who doesn't love an epic romance that spans less than a month? It's not like it's the shortest romance ever. The drama heightens everything and it works very well as it unfolds. It's just that later, when you start to pick at it, that it unravels awfully quickly.
  Also? I think I've established that any book where Jessica is fantastically protective of Elizabeth is bound to make my list of happy making books.

  Bonus points given for connecting Regina and Barbara. Both are unnaturally beautiful and have ties to Switzerland. Creepy!


Please forgive me for being late and for this not necessarily making a lot of sense. It's cold up here (no heating!) and my hands are probably colder than some of the stuff in your freezer. No, I mean the freezer that works, not the one you keep out in the garage hoping that one day you'll need it for some MacGuyver schemes.

  Whatever you celebrate, make sure to celebrate it in style. So don your fuschia party dress or black leather, grab the biggest knife you can find [but only if it glitters in the light], and take a stab at being a Wakefield for a day... or a lifetime. Tis the season, after all.


   No. I'm not dead. I've just been buried under work and falling down a staircase or two. No. Seriously. ANYWAY, Happy Holidays. If you need me, I'll be writing up the No Place to Hide info sometime and re-reading The Magic Christmas, The Evil Twin, and Return of the Evil Twin. Anyone else re-read these (or any of the other numerous Christmas/holiday themed books) this time of year?

Out of Reach
November 1988


Will Jade Wu have to defy her father to get what she wants?

Impossible dreams...

   All Jade Wu wants is to be as all-American as the other girls in Sweet Valley. But her traditional Chinese father won't let her date or do anything of the things other teenage girls do, so Jade's sure she'll never fit in.
  Jade is a talented dancer, and when she wins the solo part in a dance show, she takes the role despite her father's objections. Soon she's happier than she dreamed she could be, especially when the show brings her together with handsome David Prentiss. Jade begins to confide everything in David-until it suddenly looks as if he's betrayed her deepest secret about her family.
   Can Jade really find happiness in her two worlds, or was her father right all along?


   Oooh, shiny. One of the few SVH books to get the special treatment in terms of actual shiny-ness added to the book covers. Probably because it's #50 and #100 was busy giving me hope that they'd kill Elizabeth and have a psychopath assume her identity. Where the hell is my alternative reality fic involving that, huh? I demand it, now!

   Uh, anyway. Out of Reach also sports a lovely Giantess Elizabeth as she gives the shoulder pat of condescension to poor Jade Wu. Which means this book also serves as a major source of Continuity Headaches for when Jade makes her triumphant return in Senior Year.
  For now, Jade is the daughter of an exceptionally traditional Chinese father. Dr. Wu (Ph.D. in physics!) left China was he was 23, so he's still very big on doing things the way they're done in China. Sadly, his daughter has other ideas. Jade is a dancer who dreams of dancing professionally. She seems to prefer ballet, but also excels in modern dance. As a non-dancer, I'll take her word for this. Daddy dearest, however, won't let her dance in front of an audience. I don't think he gets what dancing *is* then. Because Jade's mother is also traditional, she believes wives should defer to their husbands, and children should defer to their parents and doesn't really interfere much unless she's positive she can convince her husband he's being a little too stubborn. Except Jade's an American teenager and she's all about the rebellion, baby. I wish I could pull the Wus aside and tell them that they've got so much more to worry about than 'modern' dance. Jade's a bit of a skank in SY, so really, someone dropped the ball somewhere in the ten years or so between. Just sayin'.
   If you cast your memory waaaaaaaay back, you might recall that the previous book ended with people wondering who Jade Wu was and why the Eyes and Ears column seemed to think she was a shoo in for the solo in some stupid dance fund raiser. You might not. It doesn't matter. They did, and the fund raiser is to get enough money so that SVH can offer ballet and modern dance as electives next year... or the year after or something. Whenever the school board has time, I guess. In your average school, odds are good no one would care. (I'm just guessing here.) But because this is SVH, everyone gives at least half a damn. Why? Because Elizabeth is in charge of publicity and Amy Sutton is wandering around declaring that she's so much better than everyone else that she's sure to get the lead solo.
   Stop. Rewind.

   Despite mentions of at least two other fantastic dancers from the last time Jessica decided she was the best dancer in the school, Amy still thinks she can beat them all, plus the cover star? Oh, Amy. You really are an idiot. Jessica, in a surprising move, agrees with this assessment, but has no real desire to squash Amy like a bug or really discourage her in anyway. Luckily for all of us, Lila decides to take up the slack. When Amy declares that she should get the solo because she looks the part and Jade doesn't, Lila calmly points out that Jade's American, too. Oh yeah, and she can dance. Oh, Lila, honey. You've come a long way from your crack against anything ethnic back when Sandy was interested in Miguel. I'm so proud. Tear.
  Since this is Amy, logic doesn't work at all, and she's still convinced she's the best hope the school has for a true All American Beauty to dance the solo. *yawn* Wake me up when Lila comes back, k?

   Jade wants desperately to try out for the show, but her father would never approve. Still, she asks, and he says no just like she knew he would, and then Jade finally remembers she's a teenager and tries out anyway. Naturally she gets the solo when Amy manages to bungle the relatively easy audition (who knew Cara was so good?) and incurs Amy's wrath something fierce. Jade also attracts attention from David Prentiss, the guy in charge of set design and art. Hey, that's supposed to be DeeDee's gig! Don't worry. She's second in command. So, naturally David likes Jade and Jade likes David. But if you'll remember, Jade's father is terribly traditional which means ain't no way is the girl going to date. But every time David asks Jade out, she turns him down. Which is understandable, except she thinks to herself that she could never tell David that her father would kill her first, that he'd never believe it. Instead she just doesn't tell him anything at all.
  And my head hits the desk each time this happens. Particularly impressive when reading in areas lacking desks. The guy won't understand that your traditional, conservative father won't let you date, but he'll be fine thinking you're just not interested? To complicate matters, we have a couple of other issues at play, although neither one explains fully why Jade is lacking the logic gene. At least Amy's an idiot and seems to have bleached her extra braincells away. What's Jade's excuse?

   Jade doesn't want anyone to know that her family is different from theirs. It's bad enough that they look different, but she doesn't want them to actually be different. So she doesn't tell anyone, except for her best friend, that she runs home every afternoon to help her mother prepare dinner for their family. She doesn't tell anyone that the house is decorated in a decidedly Chinese way, or that her mother's parents own a laundromat because heaven forbid that it's yet another Chinese laundromat!
   On David's side, his father ditched his family of six kids when David was seven, and his mother works as a housekeeper/maid, so when Jade keeps turning him down with no explanation (after he's told her about his family) he assumes she's ashamed to be seen out in public with him. A bit stupid when you consider she's not all that worried about being seen with him during ever rehearsal to the point that everyone in the show assumes they're dating, but still. Justified when she tries to make him understand that she does trust him... by telling him about her grandparents. David doesn't get why it's a big thing to Jade and figures she really is ashamed of him considering how she seems to be treating people who paid for her dancing when her father wouldn't.
  Remember when I said Amy was ticked off that Jade, a mere sophomore, managed to "steal" her solo? Yeah. Amy's out running errands with her mother, who has just switched to a new laundromat. I know and you know where this is going, right? Exactly. Jade's grandparents are so proud of Jade that they've got one of the gorgeous posters David designed prominently displayed. Amy comments on the show and Jade's grands are all, "Our granddaughter is the staaaaaar!" in the way of grandparents everywhere. Amy is a bitchy teenage girl so she runs home and calls everyone she knows and spreads the news as fast as she can.
  Personally, I still don't get it, but the bitches of SVH certainly do. Plus, Jade set herself up when she made a crack in history one day about how her family is just so utterly normal, it's not like they own a laundromat or anything. Oh, Jade. You created this mess with your misplaced shame. Since Jade has only told one person about her grandparents, and the news spills almost immediately afterward, Jade sets off to deal with the person she believes betrayed her.

   Ultimately, Jade and David fight and fight big. David quits the show because Jade isn't who he thought she was and he can't stand to be around her anymore. He tears down the set he made especially for Jade's solo, so you know it's serious. Remember, he's an artist. Their work is their life or something. Jade's mother and dance instructor manage to finally convince Jade's father to let her dance in the show just in time for Jade to no longer care.
  Now, you're probably wondering where Liz is during all this. Good timing. David and Liz have a bit of chat and Liz uses actual logic this go round. She points out that Jade's family seems awfully conservative and that while it's possible Jade is ashamed of David, she doesn't think that's true or the reason Jade kept turning him down for a date. Liz figures Jade isn't allowed to date. Because Liz knows about these things, David begins to ponder if maybe his own insecurities were clouding his judgment at least a little.
  Jade concentrates on the mission dancing, but she's more upset than she'd imagined she would be when her father gives his permission but says he will not attend because he thinks her dancing in public is wrong. She got what she wanted, she just didn't know to ask/hope for more.
  The night of the show, Jade is a bit nervous, but mostly sad that the two men in her life will not be there to see whether she stumbles or soars. Before she goes on, she peeks out into the crowd and her father is there, amidst her mother, grandparents, and her dance instructor. Score! That leaves...
   David reconstructed his set (with Dee Dee's help) so you know he's forgiven her. She dances like a maniac she's never danced before, but in that good way. She's amazing. Fantastic. Wonderful. Whatever. Standing ovation, numerous bows are taken, the show is a success! Jade's approached by a talent scout who offers Jade a fantastic dance internship. Everyone, including Jade's father, is impressed and thrilled and all that jazz. But then the kicker comes. Mr. Wicker, the scout dude, wants Jade to change her name because the woman shelling out for this big honor is a bit old fashioned and would not like the name Jade Wu. Too ethnic. How about something nice and American like Warren?

   Excuse me while I slam my head into something. HELLO. Racist lady will NOTICE Jade's CHINESE. You can't really confuse Liz and Jade on the cover, people, so I doubt the little old lady is going to go, "Oh, well, with a name like that I'm sure my cataracts just makes you look Chinese." NO. Fail. Back of the line.

   Sorry about that. Jade doesn't use any of that logic and instead goes with the whole, I'm proud of my heritage and I will not dance under any other name because it's who I am. Wicker stalks off in a huff, everyone else celebrates. Even Amy, because she's sure she looks American enough for Scout Dude.
  David asks Jade's father's permission to take Jade out. Dr. Wu is impressed by this show of respect and of course Jade can go out with David. We'll ignore the fact that I'm thinking he'd be impressed, but he wouldn't really want Jade and David dating. Everyone lives happily ever after! Until next time, anyway.

  B plot: You're thinking to yourself, "you know what this book needs? More cowbell! Jessica. Freakin'. Wakefield!" And I present to you the B plot. Ned gets an invite to his 25th high school reunion. Midlife crisis ensues. After enduring an eye-searingly bad tie, Jessica decides to teach her father a lesson. If he wants to be young so badly, she'll show him that being young isn't exactly what it was. She enlists her mother's and Elizabeth's help. Alice encourages Ned to exercise himself into oblivion. Jessica and Liz drag Ned out to the Beach Disco to see the Razors, a band I'm guessing is supposed to err on the side of heavy metal or at least less friendly rock than the rest of the series. The song titles are precious. Anyway, it doesn't take long for Ned to get the idea (I'm thinking being squished in the back of the Fiat might have done it, honestly.) but he endures the pain a little longer than anyone sane might have. I'm betting he wanted to see how far they'd all go. :p
   It's a fun little side trip when Jade's antics get too facepalm worthy, but it's not one of the better Jessica plots.

Trivia:

• The music and dance show is to raise money to start a dance program, so that students can take modern dance or ballet as an elective.


• Ms. Bellasario is directing.


• Maria Santelli was the student producer until she got the flu and had to drop out. Never is it mentioned that anyone sent her a get well card or anything, but you know if either twin got sick, there'd be get well cards and parties and balloons and presents...


• Liz starts out doing the publicity for the show before being tapped as student producer.


• Jade Wu: sophomore, Chinese American (she was born in America), recently moved to SV a few months ago.


• Melanie Forman, Jade's best friend, sophomore. Seems to be the more grounded of the two.


• Eve Miller: Jade's dance teacher, her lessons to Jade were a gift from Jade's maternal grandparents. Believes in Jade's dancing ability.


• While complaining to Mel about her parents, Jade says she couldn't sleep over at any friend's house because they didn't have sleepovers in China, but maybe if she hadn't been an only child, her brothers and sisters could have deflected some of the parental insanity. Didn't the 80's subscribe to the theory that if you were Chinese, you had one, maybe two kids?


• Dr. Wu came to America when he was 23, has a Ph.D in physics from Cal Tech. Was a professor, then a business consultant, moved his family from San Francisco to SV six months ago.


• Mrs. Wu's parents, the Sungs, live in SV and run Sung's Laundry. They met in America after leaving China, and had at least three girls (Mrs. Wu says "my sisters" when defending them to Jade) but no sons.


• Jade takes the 3:22 bus downtown after school. Now you know about when SVH gets out for the day.


• David Prentiss: tall (a foot taller than Jade), sandy brown/blond hair, green eyes, freckles, shy, the oldest of six kids, painter, father ditched the family when he was 7, Mrs. Prentiss is a housekeeper/maid, in charge of set design, part time job at a delivery service.


• Jade sits behind Kevin Johnson in history.


• It's time for Ned's 25th high school reunion and as a result, he starts to spazz out.


• Ned orders an exercise bike, joins the health club, is dragged to the Beach Disco by the twins, Jessica takes him shopping and makes him try on "trendy Italian" stuff, Jess makes him listen to prog rock, the twins gave him a t-shirt from the mall that apparently did nothing for him, Jess invites him to watch music videos with her, Alice has him spend two hours of pain on that bike and enrolls him in the Marathoner's Club, which promises to work him up to a 12 mile run a day. o_O


• Mrs. Wu is a plump, conservative wife who defers to her husband, but still finds ways to convince him to come around to her way of thinking in regards to Jade. Whenever possible, that is.


• Dr. Wu wants Jade to marry a Chinese boy, preferably one from his province.


• Jade's studying the Cultural Revolution in China. She's worried people will ask her about it, as if she'd just magically know by virtue of being Chinese. They do, she doesn't.


• Patty Gilbert is the student choreographer for the dance show.


• The Sutton family car is a beige sedan.


• Jade always goes home at five after dance class and helps her mother prepare a traditional family dinner.


• Jade, Amy, Cara, and Susan Stewart are all chosen to audition in the same group.


• Amy keeps flubbing things. First there's a problem with her shoe. Then there's something in her throat and she's going to cough. Then her hair is in her eyes. None of these things help. She's still awful.


• Call backs for the solo audition: three seniors (Denise Hadley, Jennifer Morris, Yvonne White), two juniors (Cara and Susan), and Jade.


• Ms. Frankel, the assistant music teacher, is playing the piano for the auditions.


• A dozen dancers (four boys, eight girls) were chosen for the show: Betsy Weiss (sophomore), Amy, Susan, Denise, Cara, and Jade are all mentioned.


• The Droids will also be partaking in the show.


• Dee Dee Gordon is David's assistant.


• 1st Act- musical, then a short intermission, then dancing, Jade's solo, and the big chorus line finale.


• Rehearsals are from 4-6 nightly, but later Amy mentions that Jade frequently leaves early. Later the rehearsals will last longer as they get closer to the show.


• Ned's usual Friday night is reading the newspaper instead of just skimming it like he does the rest of the week.


• When he's conned into going to the Beach Disco, Ned wears "a pair of corduroy pants, a conservative stripes shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and his new purple tie." The tie, btw, is mentioned as being eye searingly awful.


• The Razors are a fantastically awful heavy metal-ish band with some awesome song titles. You Tear Me Up and Cut Me Babe, Why Don't You Cut Me.


• The Beach Disco apparently doesn't carry club soda (what Ned wants) but they do have Grape-lime-raspberry fizzes.


• When Jade keeps balking at spending time with him, David thinks she's ashamed of him and his family.


• Jade keeps water up onstage in case she gets thirsty and leaves everyday at 5pm. Amy is not thrilled by this.


• When Jade tells her mother about word getting out about Sung's Laundry, Mrs. Wu decides maybe Jade shouldn't be dancing in the show after all. Eventually Jade realizes what a brat she's been.


• Jade's big night outfit: rose colored leotard, matching tights, filmy dance skirt, and a silver barrette from Eve for luck.


• The audience loves Jade. She takes two bows and the applause continues until the finale starts.


• Mr. Wicker is there to nominate Jade for the the Amelia Higginson Award and to ask Jade to dance as an intern with the L.A. Summer Stock Dance Company in June.


• Mr. Wicker wants Jade to change her name to Jade Warren.


• Amy decides that since Jade told Mr. Wicker to shove off, he might need someone more American... like her.

Quote Me-
  As much as she liked Amy, she had to agree with her twin, Elizabeth, that Amy had an inflated sense of her own worth.- And these are your friends, Ames. p2

  "But she's Chinese! She doesn't look right for the part. The soloist for the finale should be blond, all-American like me!" - Die, Sutton. Die. p4

  Jade wanted to be American in every way. She wanted American clothes, American food, American friends. If she could look American, she'd be overjoyed. - p8

   "There's nothing unique or Chinese about my family," Jade lied, her cheeks still hot. "My dad doesn't run a laundry or anything." -Stay classy, Wu. p31

  "Did you see that tie he wore to work this morning? I don't know where he got it, but it was purple, and it had all those weird paint swirls on it. I wouldn't let Jeffrey wear something that wild!" - Like you needed proof that Liz wears the pants in that relationship. p49

  When Amy Sutton was being unreasonable, she could be very imaginative. p 53

   "But you've got a good point, Jess. Since when does he have the money to come to school with all this fancy new stuff? Like that brand-new Walkman?" -oh, 80's. You make me smile. Cara, p150


   Overall, this is kind of a crappy 50th book. It's fine as a regular book in the series, but I would have expected something bigger for a milestone such as this. My favorite bit, other than Amy being so incredibly... Amy, is that Jade doesn't sneak around behind both parents' backs to get what she wants. She appeals to her mother's sensible side and pray that Dr. Wu comes around. I don't particularly like the way Mrs. Wu seems to disregard the fallout of what will happen if Jade is unable to dance in the show, especially once she becomes to focal point of the posters, but I'd like to think she's just that confident that she'll be able to sway her husband to her side.
  You could do a lot worse in the SV-verse, but there's a reason it took me so long to buy the book. There are so many more awesome books out there.



If you collect excuses as to why there's a giant gap in posts, I offer you this: I burned out on reading in general for awhile, the Diablo Cody thing killed my SV love for a bit ( I still don't know why), my dad was in the hospital, work kicked my arse for a bit, I wanted to read other things, and all of this happened after I decided to take a mini-break until I could make sure I had all the books in the foreseable future. Namely, I had to snag a copy of #52. Then life went meh. It also explains why I've not done other things I should have. Working on fixing that. Hey, all new people.

I have good news and bad news.

Good news: I found a new source of paperback crack.

Bad news: It... didn't really have much in the way of SV [though what it did have was in pretty damn fine condition] and I think it probably ran my favorite shop out of business, because the place I usually go with the piles upon piles of SVT books and BSC books and the two shelves of SV books that I like to look at but no longer need any of *those* numbers?

Closed. Dead. Gone. No forwarding address. I could've cried. I did cry, a little. This was on top of the first store I went to not having a single SV book of ANY kind. Usually I can count on a few Jr. High books [because I never know which numbers I need, they taunt me], a good chunk of SVT books that again, I couldn't tell you whether I still needed them or not, and a couple of SVU books that I never need, plus Lila's Little Sister from the Unicorn Club. This time? NOTHING. I spent a good ten minutes admiring the fact that they'd actually straightened the section and then freaking out because there were no freakin' SV books. Hell, they barely had any BSC books and there are always BSC books.

So. Back to the good news. I've got at least one more bookstore to hit, maybe two if I can find the phone numbers for the others, and while I was at the new [to me] store, I found a couple for a couple of people. So... yay? I'll go with yay.

Playing With Fire
August 2008


Someone's going to get burned...

Welcome to Sweet Valley High- a world where good girls date princes, bad girls chase rebels, fast wheels fly down SoCal freeways, and the latest couture separates the haves from the have-nots.


  Jessica Wakefield demands attention in any crowd, from every boy. After obsessing over him for weeks, she finally lands the perfect guy: Bruce Patman. And she falls hard and fast. There's nothing she won't do for him.
  But Elizabeth soon notices a change in her twin. Jessica's usual charm, determination, and attitute are gone. She's a ghost of her old self. And Liz wonders just how far her sister will go for love.


Dear new Playing With Fire ghostwriter,
  I'm going to presume either you read the previous incarnation of your tale, or you were given a cheat sheet. I'm also going to assume you were not a giant friggin' SV fan back in the day and this is my evidence.
  You have John Pfeiffer, he of the most painful to spell [for me] names, actually dating Lois Waller. Not just linked together in a crappy Eyes and Ears blast, but actually out, on a date, with Bruce Patman as one of the other people out on this date/hanging out/whatever. I dropped the book, I was so shocked. Now, I know I should be as happy for Lois as I am for the Trix Rabbit when he does occasionally get to have some Trix, but come on, now. Lois deserves better than date rapist in training John.* And technically, I suppose it could be another Lois. But unless Ms. Lane was in town visiting, I'm betting it was THE Lois. And this, you see, cannot be. You fail at Sweet Valley. Do not pass The Dairi Burger go, do not collect 200 Tricia Martin clones.

  Anyway, I read PWF in two parts. One, I started reading one day just to see if my head would explode. This was months ago, as you might recall me bitching about Elizabeth's ridiculous catch phrase at the time. I couldn't continue because I think that phrase is so unbelievably stupid that it actually made me want to kill whomever thought it was a good idea. I still want to maim them. But, I went back and grabbed an earlier version of PWF and decided to read them in chunks, together. I'd re-read a couple of chapters of vintage PWF and then read the corresponding chapters in the new one. This was probably not the best way to go about doing it, and I probably won't repeat this in the future. It's why, towards the end, I just read the original and then, when I finished, I read the new one.

   Overall, I laughed a lot at and with the revamp. I can't say it's bad, annoying phrase aside, because it actually reworked a few bugs [Emily's subplot acknowledges that Jessica's blackmail attempt is awfully easy to deflect] and I like new!Todd. He's funny and charming and...yeah.
  Thing is, Jessica doesn't fare as well in the new version. She's actually bitchier for the most part and Bruce, in the original, at least seemed to try for a bit to keep stringing her along. New!Bruce? Yeah, no. Once he'd moved on, he just kept Jess around for... who knows why, cuz they weren't making out or screwing around. He couldn't be bothered. Which made it harder to understand why it took so long for Jessica to snap out of it. Earlier, she was still being scrambled [ahem] by the hormonal attraction that seemed to run both ways, at least so long as Bruce wasn't around his buddies. He knew enough to keep Jessica's head spinning in at least that way so that she wouldn't get classic!Jess on his ass. Until the end, that is. New!Bruce doesn't even pretend Jessica is important/attractive to him at the end.
  And I prefer Classic!Jessica throwing an entire pizza in Bruce's face rather than just one slice. Plus, she lets the air out of his tires and new Jess does not. I do like that Liz had Bruce followed as it made more sense than just assuming Bruce would've made it back within thirty minutes. He wasn't delivering pizza after all.

  I'm really not sure how the Droids fared in their reboot. I refuse to think of them as Valley of Death because it's just... no. I mean it. Just no. Anyway, I think if not for the mention of long hair, I'd have fallen for Max because he's funny this go round. He definitely got an upgrade. Guy's still an ass, but maybe that's because he's named Guy, though he got bumped from keyboards/synthesizer to lead guitar. Dan is only occasionally mentioned, Dana is still unapproachably hot, and Emily switches from stage persona to normal!prep with ease. Tony is actually more of the same, only instead of red leather pants, he wears his sunglasses at night. Indoors. And he was fired for trying to score with all the females in the bands he approached, whereas before he seemed to just have a thing for Dana and was fired from his gig for incompetence. Which, I guess could just be a nice way of saying he was an ass. Whatever. Sunglasses at night is stuck in my head and damn right you're going to share the pain!

  Overall, the tone of the book shifted. It's actually funnier and more quotable [though Todd's classic "identical twins have identical talents" line is forever lost] but it isn't as enjoyable. It lacks something and I don't know if that's simply I had twenty some odd years to become attached to the other book, or if there really is a thread missing somewhere.

  Admit it though. You're here for the changes.

( Spoilers ahoy? )




Quotes:

It was like early Michael Jackson meets old man attempting to swing dance meets boy choking on his own saliva. -Winston really stands out in a crowd. p7

"This could really be it! Valley of Death opening for Coldplay!" -Emily, I want you to stop and rethink your band name if you want to open for Coldplay. Now. p13

She blinked up at Bruce with a smile. "What did my grandparents slip me?" - Oh, Jessica... p 24

A guy couldn't do that without at least asking. And this was a first date! - and that's where Jessica draws the lines on dating etiquette and untying bikini tops in public. p 28

"Maybe I've never met a guy worth worshiping before," Jessica said with a smile.
Ew, Elizabeth thought. - You said it, middle Wakefield. Ick. p38

"You do know they make you give up all your worldly possessions? Including your Playstation."
Winston frowned. "In fact, I did not know that.Crap. There goes that idea." - Win, you wouldn't make a good monk anyway. p 78

"Like Bruce can't afford his own freaking downloads." - Liz, p79

"What are you trying to say, Liz? That I usually dress like a slut?" -Jess cuts right to the heart of the matter, huh? p85

Why couldn't he just like her instead? She was the one sitting next to him, all made up and dressed up and perfumed, while Jessica was doing God knows what in a car at the side of the road with another guy. - Ooh, Wilson, you do have the bitch spark. p95

"Are you defending my sister now?" Elizabeth asked, laughing.
Todd looked momentarily thrown. "Ew. I think I am."

"Just don't tell anyone, okay?" Todd whispered across the table. "I think I just had a psychotic break." -It was bound to happen, Todd. p101

"I can play the corporate girlfriend. Old guys love me," she joked. - I'll bet they do, Jess. p 132

"I love him, all right? I love the way I feel when he looks at me and kisses me and calls me his girlfriend. He doesn't have to give me anything because... because all that I care about is the way he makes me feel." - my heart actually softened a bit at that. So did Elizabeth's. p137

"Okay All Things Rock and Roll! I bow to your obvious musical prowess!" Max put down his guitar and genuflected - Not... exactly a bow, but reason #137 to love Max. p 153

"Like the fact that Max still wears tighty-whities. What's that about?" Dana asked.
"I find them highly comfortable," Max said, matter-of-factly. - Reason #138, and also proof that VoD/Droids know too much about one another. p 155

"To make myself feel better," Emily told her. "Not all of us can walk around cheating and blackmailing and lying and not feel guilty about it."
Jessica had a suspicion there was a dig in there somewhere, but chose to ignore it. - Really? You think? p170

"Oh my God! Enough with the chem drama already! I'm so over it." - Bruce, honey? Your drama queen is showing. p 172

"Have I told you that you're the pretties girl in the room?" he whispered.
Elizabeth blushed and laughed. "Todd, there's no way you could have seen every girl in the room yet," she joked. "Don't you want to make an informed decision?"
"Not necessary. It's always you." - New!Todd is pretty good at the first part of dating warm fuzzies. Awww. p181

When Bruce wanted to blow off a party or a dinner with her, it usually meant one thing: sexy alone time. She loved sexy alone time. -p188

"God, it's like I'm working for the blond CIA." - so true, Todd. So true. p197


UGH!
It looked like he'd finally woken up and smelled the beauty. - I'm weeping here at how awful this is. Awful. Hold me? p9

She was just going to have to hope that Jessica would wake up and smell the pathetic on her own. - A THOUSAND TIMES NO! p22

Normally, by the time Elizabeth got there, most of the hot water had long since sluiced over her sister's body. - I get where you're going with that, but it's so awkward and more than a bit skeevy, man. p 83

"I just wish she'd wake up and smell the loud-mouthed jerk." -MAKE IT STOP, LIZ! STOP! p101




  * One of these days I'm going to have to figure out how I feel about John. He's got a good 80 or so books prior to his dramatic turn and in them he's Bruce's lackey, he's one of Elizabeth's friends, and yet he throws Lila for a loop and that is just not done. But I'm not sure what to do about early!John. Do I hold his future actions against him, even though a good ten years separate them and I doubt there was a big sign over his head saying, "Don't get too attached, guys!"

Last call for anyone wanting to take advantage of this year's anniversary offer. (You tell me two books you want, condition preferred,and I'll see if I can rustle them up for you.) I plan on heading out tomorrow or possibly Tuesday, depending on store availability as well other people's plans for the most glorious week of the year. [My birthday!]

Anyway, if you want to join in, comment or email. Basically see the previous post.

Now, I need a shower and to restart the revamped Playing With Fire. My head, she shall explode.

If you could, I'd like you to take a moment away from your mourning either a musical icon [of questionable sanity] or the only Angel anyone can ever remember without prompting, and pay attention to free stuff.

That's right. It's anniversary time here and that means crap for you. Well. Free stuff. Shiny things? I dunno. Those of you with complete collections can just snicker at the photos below. Everyone else should pay attention.

We're trying something new this year. As my birthday is rapidly approaching, so approaches one of my treks out into the used book world to my favorite used bookstore that actually carries a decent amount of SV stuff. Sadly for me, it doesn't really have things I need unless I'm there with someone else. I figure that instead of driving all that way for nothing, I should have a backup. Which is where you guys come in.

Take a look at your list of missing SV books. Twins/Unicorns/Jr. High/SVH/SY/SVU hell, even Elizabeth shows up occasionally. Pick two that you want more than any others. Got those two? Good. Put them at the top of your list and either email me at snarkyimp at gmail dot com OR leave a comment here. You can put more than two books down, particularly if you want backups in case your two aren't at the stores. [Yes. For my birthday week, I cruise bookstores. Shut up.] But make sure I know which two you want most. Also, if you're at all picky about your books, you should let me know that, too. So if you merely want one to read and the condition doesn't matter, odds are much better for you. But if you don't want one where the spine has faded or is an ex-library book, you gotta let me know. I'm not psychic. You should know that if I bring the books home before mailing them out, we've got pets and my brother smokes. I don't, but some people are awfully sensitive and I don't want to inadvertently kill someone here. Also, I can't make any promises as to what the stores have, or hell, if the store even exists anymore. But I will try.

Also, you might notice that the Kids books aren't on the list. Yeah. I've got like... 10, so if anyone's going to be scooping those puppies up, it'll probably be me. You can put them as your Top Two, but I make no promises.

The love ends July 4th, as my vacation starts the next day and anytime that week I'll be attempting to forage for books. Can't forage if I don't have the list.



Onward!

So. I mentioned the Kids, right? Well, my mini ebay splurge last week yielded a small lot of SVK books and most of them I hadn't read. While reading, I marveled at how cute some of the covers were and how utterly frightening others were. Also, I pointed and laughed at the SV Reader of the Month. And because I'm evil, I thought I'd warp your brains, too.

( But since this is extra, we cut. )

Huh. Apparently the awesomness of AJ + Jessica killed LJ.

Or else LJ is having issues and we should respect their mental breakdown.

Playing For Keeps
October 1988


What's come over Jessica?

Split personality...


   Jessica Wakefield is head over heels in love with handsome A.J. Morgan. She knows he likes her, but Jessica's convinced he'd really fall in love with her if she were studious and reserved, like her twin, Elizabeth. So Jessica sets out to change her personality completely.
   But her plans are threatened when she hears about a fashion contest she just knows she could win. How can she compete and still be the shy, sweet girl that A.J. thinks she is? When the contest turns into a battle to keep A.J. as well as a competition for a designer wardrobe, Jessica has to make some difficult decisions. Will the old Jessica reappear-and risk losing A.J.-or is the quiet, serious new Jessica here to stay?



   If you ever wondered how early Jessica sees her sister, a peek at Playing For Keeps will shed some light on that. In order to conform to the idea she has of A.J.'s taste in girls, Jessica decides to model herself after Elizabeth. And, if you ignore the fact that a relationship is pretty much doomed to failure if one person is pretending to be someone else, I can see Jessica's logic here. Since she actually likes AJ, Jess is reduced to normal girl around him. She can't find the witty comeback, she can't make the right kind of small talk, she blushes way too much, and she basically goes brain dead once he gets too close. So... she acts like Liz, really, when Liz was first around Todd. Elizabeth's Jessica impersonation around AJ failed miserably and Jess became convinced that if she acted like herself, she would lose AJ. So she decides to change.
  But only when he's around. She studies. She goes to the library. She always wants to discuss her Deep Thoughts. She is so boring SHE can't stand to be around herself. And she can tell that A.J. is losing interest, so she decides that maybe all her half baked opinions are getting in the way. You know Liz. Such a crusader. So... Jessica decides to always let A.J. decide things. What sort of pizza they have, where they go, what they do... Seriously, the girl has no mind of her own and not merely because she's a fictional character.
   Lila, Amy, Cara, and Liz can't take it anymore. So they do something about it. Liz, being the free thinker that she is, decides to tell Jessica what an idiot she's being. Thing she didn't remember? She's a sap. So when Jessica cries that she really loves A.J. and that she knows that he'd never like the real Jessica Wakefield... Liz doesn't go behind Jessica's back and do anything exciting. Even when A.J. confesses that Jessica seemed like his type at first, but good God, she's just too serious all the damn time and is making him feel like a horrible person. Usually not a good sign for a relationship, y'know? Head may meet desk when Liz refuses to tell Jessica what A.J. has said. There's even a bit of an internal monologue as to why, but mostly you want to shake her and tell her that she who initiates the first pool dunk of the series can do ANYTHING, damn it!

   Luckily Lila is on the case. She finds out about a fashion show/contest that Lisette's is having. The winner gets a new wardrobe designed by Nadine, one of the bigger names among Lisette's labels. Lila is convinced that Jessica should enter because she'd win easily, but Jess is pretty sure that A.J. wouldn't like a girl who would do something like that. ...Really? You're killing me here, Wakefield. Jess does have the sense to ask why Amy wouldn't enter, and Amy tells us that Nadine's designs make her look fat. I admit it, I snorted gleefully at that. But why isn't Li entering? Because she's scheming here, people! If Jessica enters the fashion show, odds are good she'll revert to her bitch-tastic ways and boring Wakefield twin will go back to being Elizabeth. The problem is... Jessica keeps stalling on the whole entry process.

   Sooooooo. We're left with A.J. A.J. is confused. He's clearly attracted to Jessica, but at the same time she's boring him senseless. She's so serious and she never seems to want to have any fun... which is an odd thing seeing as she's always willing to do whatever he even mentions in passing. She's wearing him out and half the time he's not even sure he wants to be around her. But he can't shake the initial attraction and he doesn't want to hurt her. Tellingly, he doesn't really see himself as dating her so much as just spending a lot of time with her. At the same time, he doesn't feel he can just date whomever else he wants because there's obviously something going on between the two of them. So not what he signed up for.
  While pondering these things, A.J. and Jessica stumble across a girl drowning in the ocean. AJ rushes in and rescues the girl and when they return to shore Jessica [and AJ] realize the girl is a knockout. The victim, Pamela, takes one look at AJ and acting-like-a-doormat-Jessica and decides the best way to repay him is to steal him away from Jessica. So she turns on the charm and out Jessicas the old Jessica. AJ isn't completely unaware of this fact [other than he doesn't know his Jessica is capable of such actions as well] and Jessica is seething. She can't smack the bitch down or even fight back because the persona she's so carefully crafted dictates that she's just too sweet and kind and good to do such a thing.
   Which is what Pamela is counting on. She's pretty successful in stealing AJ away, though he does feel guilty and a little confused as to why he's falling for someone who is so not his type. I'm thinking meeting her in the ocean while having to hold her voluptuous self pretty damn close is probably helping a great deal here, but what do I know?

  Meanwhile, Liz is getting a little worried. She's pretty sure that by holding on in such an annoying way, Jess is really just pushing AJ away, but still she won't tell her twin that AJ's already halfway out the door. There's this fun blowup where Liz demands to know if Jessica really thinks she's as boring and awful as she's been pretending and... yeah. She does. That right there is probably worth reading the book for.

  Lila, as always, is carefully plotting. She enlists Elizabeth's help in convincing Jessica to sign up for the fashion show and while at Lisette's, Pamela appears. Pamela makes the cardinal sin of insulting Lila [to her face, no less] and Lila instantly vows to take the conniving rich Whitehead Academy [really, whitehead? And not a single SVH kid points out that that's also a zit? Really?] bitch doooooooooown. She's all kinds of a good friend to Jessica throughout this and my Lila love is off the charts.
  Eventually Lila realizes the only way to shock Jessica back into being herself is to play up what an amazingly gorgeous girl Pamela is and how it's no wonder AJ's eyes are wandering and she'll probably be impossible to beat in the fashion show, knowing full well that the competitive streak that lies within all Wakefields will burst forth. At the same time, Li is banking on Pamela being such a bitch that she'd sink to at the very lead goading Jessica. Even better. Pamela cheats. She ruins outfit after outfit of Jessica's and the only way for Jess to save face is to drop the Liz act and be herself. Unafraid, self centered, fantastic Jessica. And with each trip down the runway, everyone's hopes rise, just a little. That is, until the swimsuit portion of the evening.
   Pamela dumps water on Jessica [yes, Pamela, use water on the only outfit that should look even BETTER when wet. You moron!] and Jessica loses her cool. She and Pam square off and everyone in the audience can hear them. Including AJ. Jessica rips Pamela's backbone out and uses it to strengthen her own fledgling spine, and just in time for the real fun, Lila and Amy pull back the curtains and everyone gets to see the showdown. Jess looks amazing [Liz describes it weirdly. I get sister crush vibes and I try very hard not to get those from these books] and naturally no power on Earth can stand up to a Wakefield at the end of a book, so... Nadine crowns Jessica the winner, AJ realizes that he can have his attraction to Jessica and his attraction to bitchy Alpha females all in the same package... and Lila is just awesome.

  There's talk of Jade Wu and her amazing dancing and this show that's going to be put on in the next book, but my eyes glazed over at this point.



Trivia:

• When asked what she's thinking about, Jess responds, "Nuclear war. You know- how terrible it would be if there was one and everything."


• Amy manages to find herself upgraded to Jessica's best friend. Cara, however, has been downgraded. This is not a good trade, Wakefield. Not a good trade at all.


• Jess reads If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking [Emily Dickinson] to AJ. It's from the book One Hundred and One Famous Poems. When that fails to knock his socks off, she begins to read "O Captain, My Captain!" which is great for Dead Poets Society [and that memory gives me the warm fuzzies] but... AJ is a bit horrified at the thought of hearing the whole damn thing.


• Alice is trying to lower Ned's cholesterol.


• Liz has upgraded her recorder to a less plastic piece of crap version.


• Jess panics and says she wants to see a "green crested pod-eater" while she and AJ are hiking. He does an admiral job of not laughing himself to death. Well played, Morgan. Well played.


• Don't tell Winston, but Jeffrey was the one who forgot to bring the napkins for the picnic at Secca Lake. Apparently someone always forgets something.


• In the game of Skins versus Shirts, AJ plays Skins. You may swoon. Or not. I mean, redheads are traditionally freckled and while I'm on the swoonage side, I gather not everyone else is. But most of the SVH girls are swooning. No word from Tom McKay, though.


• Pamela Janson goes to Whitehead Academy in Bridgewater. She has dark, curly hair, a "voluptuous" figure, huge blue eyes fringed by thick, black lashes. She's gorgeous, but doesn't have the sense not to mock Lila to her face. Nor is she particularly subtle. She drives a white Mercedes convertible, which AJ drools over.


• Pamela's house is gray stone on the rocks [seriously] with a small Japanese garden by the front entrance, and a hot tub back by the greenhouse.


• Pamela's parents are in Denver when she tries to seduce AJ.


• While AJ is trying not to cheat on Jessica [but wanting to], and Jessica's waiting for him in the library, Lila and Amy appear at the library to photocopy stuff out of an encyclopedia. Ah, memories. And feeling old.


• Nadine's designs make Amy look fat.


• AJ's got brown eyes. Dreamy!


• Liz is more than okay with the idea of a fashion show, but later she'll pitch a fit over beauty pageants. Which, normally I'd say is different enough that it's not exactly a case for the Continuity Police, but since Nadine is attempting to find someone with enough moxie to inspire her, it's not merely a fashion show. It's still a contest as well. On the other hand, maybe she wants non-nuclear war Jessica back.


• The big event for the next book is a fund raising show. I... really do wonder about the wisdom of putting on a show like that after the total cheese [with love!] of the fashion show. I mean really.


• Amy delights in telling us she took tap and pointe dancing. Oh, Amy. No one cares.


• The Modern Girl Fashion Show is at the East end of the Mall, where Santa's workshop is during the holiday season, at 1PM, with the rehearsal Friday at 6pm.


• Slam books aren't forgotten. Jess makes most schizophrenic. Additional slam book categories: Most Popular was split between Jessica and Elizabeth. Future High School Coach - Ken Matthews, which is a bit of a burn because, um, as cool as some coaches are, there are plenty who aren't. I love you anyway, Ken. Girl with the Most of Everything - Lila and the Girl Most Likely To Appear On The Cover of Time - Amy.


• Much is made about how good Jade is at dancing, but what makes her better than Bruce's blonde from Troublemaker?


• Pamela snagged Jessica's nubby blue dress, broke the zippers on her denim outfit, and drenched her bathing suit and cover up.

Quotes:

  "Hey, Most Popular," he teased, referring to one of the slam book categories in which Elizabeth's name had appeared frequently.
  She grinned and stuck her tongue out. "Only tied for first place, don't forget."
  "Well, I don't know if that really counts," Enid said. "I mean, two people who look exactly alike and talk alike and everything else- that's not really sharing first place. You're most popular as a unit." - another reason Jeffrey/Enid/Elizabeth is fun. Enid doesn't have to worry about being lame and instead is insightful. p 3

  Of course, nearly everyone at Sweet Valley liked and admired Jessica, too, but for completely different reasons. Her attitude towards life was positively regal. She liked to believe that everything revolved around her. - So... Jessica is a cat? p4

  "A.J.? Can I read you something?"
  "Sure. What is it?"
  "One of my favorite poems," she replied, meeting his eyes with a luminous smile.
  It had been one of her favorite poems since she found it the night before. - If you need me, I'll be on the floor giggling. p 15


Time is a grinding wheel of merciless pain
We are trapped in our lives
until the hour of death.
But love breaks our chains and lets us fly
into the universe
Where everything is real and alive
Forever.


  "Hey, maybe you're right. Something sweet and beautiful. Oooh!" She hugged Elizabeth again impulsively. "You're the greatest sister in the world, Liz. How about something about a rainbow? Or flowers?" - Cuz that's a poem any normal teenage boy would loooooove to read. From merciless pain to rainbows and flowers. Where, I ask, are the fluffy kittens? p39

  "Amy, you weigh about ten million pounds," she added with a petulant frown. - Lila love! p95

  "I hope you liked what we picked," Jessica said in a bright cheerful voice. "I can't always remember who sings what, you know? I don't know much about contemporary music." This is after Liz has assured poor AJ that Jess loves all music. Oh sweet, sweet timing. Plus, um, contemporary music? I'm having a Bowie/Bing flashback. Excuse me a moment. p109

  "Jess. Please, please stop acting that way around A.J."
  "What way?" Jessica prompted, her cheeks warming.
  "You know. Spineless. Weak-like a complete airhead! You're going to lose him if you keep it up!"
  Jessica swallowed hard. She met her twin's eyes and said, "I'm only acting the way you do." -Ooooh. p111





   I'd forgotten how awesome Lila was in this book. Each time she stood up for Jessica and came to the rescue, my tiny little heart grew three sizes. This might be one of the first times Lila actually proves she's a really good friend to Jessica, and it doesn't have everything to do with shocking Jess into acting like she used to. She stands up for Jessica when Jessica won't let herself, she plots and schemes and it's never about making Jess lose AJ. You know Lila figures AJ will love Jess even more when she drops the damn act. And there's nothing in it for Lila.
  So, if I can make conspiracy theories for everyone else, I'm going to pretend Lila pulled strings and had Nadine throw the show just so Jessica would win. Cuz, I don't know if you heard, but Lila's rich like that. :P Pamela sure as hell missed that memo.

  As a kid, I had a serious thing for AJ. I don't know why seeing as he's kind of a bore as I re-read these, but I do like that we're given numerous chapters [okay, at least two] from his point of view and that he's not oblivious to the game Pamela is playing. Also? As a kid, I loved the hell out of this puzzle. It was usually the one on top of my dresser because I thought they looked like an adorable couple and I thought it was the cutest thing that Jessica had finally found someone. Annnnnnd because I'm a big old dork, I bought another one. This also happens to be one of my favorite covers.

Sooooo. Working, sort of, on reading the updated version of Playing With Fire. Whoever decided the phrase, "wake up and smell the beautiful" or whatever it was [and I promise I'll share because it's close to that] should have been fired right there on the spot. Later we replace beautiful with pathetic and my brain stops and dies a painful death. Once I convinced it to come back to life with the promise of sugary caffeine, I read the preview for Power Play.

Oh.

My.

Lord.

Miss SVH? Really? Really?

Good. Freakin'. God. We couldn't have left it as a simple Jessica is a heinous bitch concerning the sanctity of PBA why, exactly? The beauties. The hell?